Senior Account Executive

Do you know how many reality shows are on TV at the present moment in time? Approximately 782. Give or take a few dozen.

I don’t know how many are on TV. NO ONE KNOWS how many are on TV. And do you include shows like “House Hunters” or “Diners, Drive-ins & Dives?” If so, that number skyrockets to at least a million.

Networks love reality shows. They’re an easy formula to produce, they’re cheap and Americans love them more than a Kardashian loves new shoes.

If your name is Honey Boo Boo, Ryan Lochte, Ice-T, Simon Cowell, Giuliana, Paris Hilton, Brandi Glanville, Brad Womack, Jessica Simpson, Tommy Lee, Snooki, Gene Simmons, Ozzy Osbourne, Dog, Nene or anything ending in “Kardashian” (or even sounding remotely like “Kardashian”), then you have or have had a reality TV show.

If you have an interest in duck hunting, over-the-hill rap stars, D-list celebrities, extreme frugality by way of coupons, re-designing your neighbor’s bedroom while they re-design yours, ATV drivers, New Jersey, how rich people live, how teen moms live, how poorly-behaved people live, how people with 19 children (and counting!) live, how people add saunas and flat screen TVs to their cars, how women with very large breasts find bras to fit or how many rats can be found in a home with hoarders in it, then there is or has been a reality TV show on the air for you. http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/slideshow/2013/04/29/best-and-worst-reality-tv-shows/#slide=9

I recently heard about two new reality shows on their way to a screen near you. And I wondered about what other shows haven’t yet appeared on air, but totally should.

The newest show joining the TV airwaves is “Vanilla Ice Goes Amish.” http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/tv/showtracker/la-et-st-vanilla-ice-goes-amish-tv-20130424,0,2132421.story The tattooed, former “Ice Ice Baby” rapper-turned-construction-contractor-and-house-flipper will have a crew follow him around as he learns how to make furniture or do construction the Amish way. Seriously.

And the other show being shopped around is going to film in an exclusive area of Calabasas, California to capture the “wealthy people, how they live and what they buy.” Sounds exactly like at least a dozen other vapid shows on the air right now.

So here are a couple of shows I say we want to see, because we should be able to crowdsource this stuff and because apparently the Hollywood suits will say yes to anything (have you seen “Splash?” And I don’t mean the classic Tom Hanks/mermaid movie. I mean the horror show diving competition with C-list celebrities):

1.       Ex-US presidents dressed as superheroes, making citizen’s arrests and helping the elderly cross the street.

2.       Martha Stewart runs a match making service – imagine the cross-promotional marketing possibilities! Martha Stewart wine that could be sold in restaurants for first dates, Martha Stewart linens that happy couples can register for after she creates a successful engagement.

3.       Courtney Love leads Eagle Scouts into the wilderness for weeklong adventure

4.       Ellen DeGeneres helping to catch boa constrictors in the Florida Everglades

5.       Hillary Clinton and Condoleeza Rice training for a marathon

6.       CEOs with golden parachutes performing community service decided upon by schoolchildren

I’m certain at least one of these is destined for greatness, and advertisers will want to get on board. What do you think?